How do you know if you are being too picky?
I am one who doesn't believe in settling for things in life, but also that you can't be unrealistic either. Currently, I don't know (1) if I am being too picky on several fronts. For once I am going to be a little detail-y.
SHOCKING! GASP! FAINT!
I think just right now my honest answer to 99.967929874% of questions asked of me right now is "I don't know. (2)" I have a wide variety of things on my brain occupying my thought capacity that I don't think I have the brain power to be too vague and dodgy. The path of least resistance is being as forthcoming as I feel comfortable doing on the interwebs.
I am looking for a job. I am trolling through a couple of my-type-of-job-posting sites regularly. Several I can eliminate because I am not qualified. Those are easy. Some I can eliminate because oops! I missed the application deadline (damn you three-year-job in Hawaii!). But others that I am not applying to, I am starting to wonder what point I am just being too damn picky.
One I balked at over the location. It's not a bad location, per se. But...I just didn't know (3). It was in a small town, kinda between two modest size cities. I briefly asked a friend about it and their thought was that I would be miserable because of the location. I can't say if I would or wouldn't. But I decided not to apply because of the location.
Is that being too picky? I have said I will go where I can get a job. What if that is a job I could have gotten? The job itself was appealing, the location...I don't know (4). I sometimes wonder if I should just apply to everything I am qualified for, even if I get through the interviewing process I don't have to take a job.
Boys. We're not talking about me dating anyone, but just, you know, seeing what's out there. But those that know me/read my blog regularly/are stalking me know about a very very bad horrible stupid relationship. I fully admit to mucho stupidity on my part. I don't want to be THAT stupid again. But now...I feel like the most trivial thing turns me away. I feel like red flags are going up all over the place. I wonder if I am being over cautious so I don't miss any red flags. But then I wonder if I'm just looking for something wrong. Or am I just being true to what I want and don't want?
I. DON'T. KNOW. (5)
This just gets me nowhere. It's a general question I can't answer...and there is probably not an answer to it. I can argue for and against myself. I'm too picky. I'm not too picky. Back and Forth. Round and Round. I'm starting to feel the metaphorical motion sickness.
I feel like I know what I want with things. There are some things I feel are non-negotiable and I am fine with that. But everything else seems to fall into a gray area. I have my preferences but not necessarily concrete thoughts. It's these areas that are causing the mayhem for me. So how do you know you are being too picky?
Monday, October 12, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO!
For those that don't know...that's a LOST quote. AND it works into the subject of this blog post/rant.
I hate when people make statements about how my life is going to be. It's not that those statements are true/false, it's just that...don't even try to dictate how my life is going to go (emphasis of the you vs. MY LIFE).
Here is a big one for me at this time: where I will be in 2010. Personally, I have no idea. But at least others have firm opinions for me. Thanks, assbags! And those opinions go both ways. I will either be right where I am or not. I am stupid for wanting to stay. I am stupid for wanting to leave. Right now, there is not a clear winner in the pro/con list of staying vs. going. I think the winning tick might be "place where I have a job." I know that this isn't special to me. I know others have been through similar situations where everyone else has a firm opinion of what you should think.
If it was JUST the topic of my geographical location in 2010, I think I'd be fine with it. I could just roll my eyes and ignore them. But they start sneaking other areas of my life into their opinions. Personal areas of my life. Especially the subject of my dating/lack of dating life.
I've been told I essentially shouldn't bother dating because I will be leaving soon. I have been told I should only look for short term relationships because I will be leaving soon (which in general..no). I have been told I should live in some sparsely-populated, cold-as-balls state because I am single (the logic for this one is that the cost of living is SO LOW I could buy a huge house with lots of land...because, apparently, single females around 30 can't buy houses otherwise..and apparently we want acres of land). I have been told I should look in large cities because I am single. I should look up north, south, west coast, east coast, midwest, foreign countries. On and on and on.
What if I find someone I like? Is that going to mean I won't move? No. What if I find no one I like? Is that going to mean I am not going to stay? No. Where I will be in 2010 is going to be a complex decision, which I will spend time thinking about and deciding what is right for me and how it fits what I want with my life. Radical concept, I know.
Generally, I realize that people are just trying to help and who doesn't love sharing their (assumed proper) opinion on things? However, these people need to realize that they might not know exactly what I want and what I am looking for...and sometimes, I might not be sure myself. So let me be and don't be surprised if I give you a smartass comment to your views on my life (including, but not limited to: SHUT IT).
I hate when people make statements about how my life is going to be. It's not that those statements are true/false, it's just that...don't even try to dictate how my life is going to go (emphasis of the you vs. MY LIFE).
Here is a big one for me at this time: where I will be in 2010. Personally, I have no idea. But at least others have firm opinions for me. Thanks, assbags! And those opinions go both ways. I will either be right where I am or not. I am stupid for wanting to stay. I am stupid for wanting to leave. Right now, there is not a clear winner in the pro/con list of staying vs. going. I think the winning tick might be "place where I have a job." I know that this isn't special to me. I know others have been through similar situations where everyone else has a firm opinion of what you should think.
If it was JUST the topic of my geographical location in 2010, I think I'd be fine with it. I could just roll my eyes and ignore them. But they start sneaking other areas of my life into their opinions. Personal areas of my life. Especially the subject of my dating/lack of dating life.
I've been told I essentially shouldn't bother dating because I will be leaving soon. I have been told I should only look for short term relationships because I will be leaving soon (which in general..no). I have been told I should live in some sparsely-populated, cold-as-balls state because I am single (the logic for this one is that the cost of living is SO LOW I could buy a huge house with lots of land...because, apparently, single females around 30 can't buy houses otherwise..and apparently we want acres of land). I have been told I should look in large cities because I am single. I should look up north, south, west coast, east coast, midwest, foreign countries. On and on and on.
What if I find someone I like? Is that going to mean I won't move? No. What if I find no one I like? Is that going to mean I am not going to stay? No. Where I will be in 2010 is going to be a complex decision, which I will spend time thinking about and deciding what is right for me and how it fits what I want with my life. Radical concept, I know.
Generally, I realize that people are just trying to help and who doesn't love sharing their (assumed proper) opinion on things? However, these people need to realize that they might not know exactly what I want and what I am looking for...and sometimes, I might not be sure myself. So let me be and don't be surprised if I give you a smartass comment to your views on my life (including, but not limited to: SHUT IT).
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Q & A: Update
In case anyone cares....
I was going to contact this person and see if we could develop a friendship again.
Then I came to my senses and realized that my gut reaction was to just try to get an answer to a question, not try to restart the friendship. I was letting the emotion of it all get to me.
And I am totally happy and at peace with that decision. For those who know me via Facebook...I realize now I dodged a bullet.
I was going to contact this person and see if we could develop a friendship again.
Then I came to my senses and realized that my gut reaction was to just try to get an answer to a question, not try to restart the friendship. I was letting the emotion of it all get to me.
And I am totally happy and at peace with that decision. For those who know me via Facebook...I realize now I dodged a bullet.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Q & A
I am the type of person who likes to know answers to things. I want to know the who, what, where and why. I like to know what is going on...it's just how I am.
You know how sometimes relationships with other people just seem to implode out of nowhere? It seems one minute everything is good and the next you apparently have become mortal enemies. When it seems to come out of left field you are often left wondering "W.T.F.?"
So remember how I mentioned I liked to know what went on? Well I am the type that wants to know what happened. It's not even a case I want to mend the friendship...just what happened?
So there had been a friendship that seemed to just stop out of nowhere. Things seemed ok on my end and then BAM! I never heard a peep out of them again. I tried. I waited. Nothing. Eventually I had to let it go, I can't sustain a friendship where the other party refuses to play.
Well, by random circumstances I was given a potential window of contact. I gave it a shot but didn't think they would reply...but they did.
And honestly, getting a response about what happened was so much worse than just the outright apathy of not responding. I mean, horrible, sitting there bawling my eyes out worse. The reason was so stupid, so pointless. It would have been better had they said that they just decided I was the biggest asshole or most moronic person they ever met...something else.
I had prepared myself for a response along those lines. Something that would be negative for me. I was sure it was either going to be no response or an asshole response...and I worded my contact accordingly. I was just protecting myself; drawing a line in the sand to let them know I was on a fact-finding mission only. I wasn't trying to get their friendship back. But my reaction to their response....I do want it back. I didn't want it to end.
But is it too late? I don't know if I can go back. I don't know if I should try to go back. I want to go back. I know any window for trying to go back is going to end soon.
I just don't know what to do. I already know what steps I will take if I decide to try to build our friendship back up. But should I?
You know how sometimes relationships with other people just seem to implode out of nowhere? It seems one minute everything is good and the next you apparently have become mortal enemies. When it seems to come out of left field you are often left wondering "W.T.F.?"
So remember how I mentioned I liked to know what went on? Well I am the type that wants to know what happened. It's not even a case I want to mend the friendship...just what happened?
So there had been a friendship that seemed to just stop out of nowhere. Things seemed ok on my end and then BAM! I never heard a peep out of them again. I tried. I waited. Nothing. Eventually I had to let it go, I can't sustain a friendship where the other party refuses to play.
Well, by random circumstances I was given a potential window of contact. I gave it a shot but didn't think they would reply...but they did.
And honestly, getting a response about what happened was so much worse than just the outright apathy of not responding. I mean, horrible, sitting there bawling my eyes out worse. The reason was so stupid, so pointless. It would have been better had they said that they just decided I was the biggest asshole or most moronic person they ever met...something else.
I had prepared myself for a response along those lines. Something that would be negative for me. I was sure it was either going to be no response or an asshole response...and I worded my contact accordingly. I was just protecting myself; drawing a line in the sand to let them know I was on a fact-finding mission only. I wasn't trying to get their friendship back. But my reaction to their response....I do want it back. I didn't want it to end.
But is it too late? I don't know if I can go back. I don't know if I should try to go back. I want to go back. I know any window for trying to go back is going to end soon.
I just don't know what to do. I already know what steps I will take if I decide to try to build our friendship back up. But should I?
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Owwwww....my stomach lining!
It is crunch time for me. Right now I need to hunker down and just become a frenzy of productivity. So, naturally, I want to just sit on my ass and watch TV.
I know what I need to do. I know I can do it. I just need to do it. It's really simple, actually. So what's on my major to-do list (anyone who knows me and my anal retentive tendencies and my love of making lists, and to-do lists and to-do lists for to-do lists....I am talking about a short, MAJOR THINGS I NEED TO DO list). So my MAJOR THINGS I NEED TO DO LIST:
So...the not feeling like ass thing. Basically it's a simple, two-part system. 1) Stop eating like crap and 2) Actually use my gym membership. Radical, I know.
The gym thing is self explanatory. It's called actually stepping foot inside the gym. The stop eating like crap thing is more to quit stuffing myself at some meals and to eat a little more balanced. Which usually I can do just by cooking more of my meals. To get myself a kickstart on that, I am going to blog my meals for a week. I'm sure there will be mass anticipation to see what sandwich I eat for lunch every day.
For my jump back into cooking, I am going to try one new recipe for each "meal" of the day (over the course of the week...not everyday). So you will see some repeats (leftovers) and some more boring meals. But my loyal blog reader(s) love(s) me and will just suck it up.
Now, I don't want to turn my blog into a food blog. Despite my apparent attempts to do so. I am too lazy to want to make sure I cook or bake something interesting and photograph it and write about it on a regular basis. So if anyone stumbles onto my blog thinking I'm a foodie...sorry! But I will tell you what I ate, try to include a photo and tell you what I thought of my meal.
I haven't been blogging at all lately. But hey...at least it's something.
I know what I need to do. I know I can do it. I just need to do it. It's really simple, actually. So what's on my major to-do list (anyone who knows me and my anal retentive tendencies and my love of making lists, and to-do lists and to-do lists for to-do lists....I am talking about a short, MAJOR THINGS I NEED TO DO list). So my MAJOR THINGS I NEED TO DO LIST:
- Finish experiments
- Finish writing thesis
- Finish job application (which I don't want to give details on this...but really...DREAM JOB)
So...the not feeling like ass thing. Basically it's a simple, two-part system. 1) Stop eating like crap and 2) Actually use my gym membership. Radical, I know.
The gym thing is self explanatory. It's called actually stepping foot inside the gym. The stop eating like crap thing is more to quit stuffing myself at some meals and to eat a little more balanced. Which usually I can do just by cooking more of my meals. To get myself a kickstart on that, I am going to blog my meals for a week. I'm sure there will be mass anticipation to see what sandwich I eat for lunch every day.
For my jump back into cooking, I am going to try one new recipe for each "meal" of the day (over the course of the week...not everyday). So you will see some repeats (leftovers) and some more boring meals. But my loyal blog reader(s) love(s) me and will just suck it up.
Now, I don't want to turn my blog into a food blog. Despite my apparent attempts to do so. I am too lazy to want to make sure I cook or bake something interesting and photograph it and write about it on a regular basis. So if anyone stumbles onto my blog thinking I'm a foodie...sorry! But I will tell you what I ate, try to include a photo and tell you what I thought of my meal.
I haven't been blogging at all lately. But hey...at least it's something.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Sometimes things don't go as planned...
You know that super secret project I've been working on? Yeah. Didn't turn out as well as I hoped.
I was making cupcakes for a picnic that I have been looking forward to since, oh, March. It was for the Seminole Club I'm a member of and I had envisioned cupcakes with garnet and gold frosting (FSU's colors) with little chocolate spears on them.
Now, they tasted delicious. I LOVE the chocolate cupcake recipe I have. And the vanilla one is solid too. I tried a new frosting recipe (that required a $12 bottle of vanilla bean paste that I got at William Sonoma...if anyone knows of a cheaper place to get it...let me know. Because that stuff IS DA BOMB).
I vetoed the chocolate spears because of time constraints. Which is fine. They just wouldn't be UBER fancy/fun. I decided to do a swirl of the garnet and gold frosting which requires putting both frostings in a pastry bag, one on each side. Which...the pastry bags I have were too small to really do this easily...but really...it is going to slightly mix and swirl so that is ok. BUT...I managed to put a hole in the pastry bag so as I was piping my swirled dollops of frosting, I had a MAJOR leakage of frosting. Most of the cupcakes just got one color or the other. The ones that got the swirl looked good, but I got no pictures because I was in such a rush yesterday!
Plus, I had some cupcakes leftover. Alot of ones with the garnet frosting. Which required TONS of gel frosting dye to get a dark enough (ie not pinkish) color. Which means the frosting stains like you wouldn't believe (or...you might). Like...your hands, your tongue, your teeth...EVERYTHING. Those went into the trash.
Alas, had I had more time I think they would have turned out better. But it was a good trial run and I do love making cupcakes! I did learn this: when your cupcakes are going to be in a warm environment...make your frosting a little more hefty! It will still probably melt and run...but you might get a little more time of them looking purdy.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Ahem...
For anyone who regulary checks my blog, you may have noticed that it was listed as private for awhile (Joy and Heather noticed). Alas, I just needed to edit a few posts (and by edit I mean delete).
See...one day I was innocently googling. We all do it. I was seeing if I could find FSU cupcake liners. So I googled "FSU cupcake liner." My blog came up as #4 on the list. Which 1) weee! and 2) uhhhh. Also...I found no FSU cupcake liners.
This got me to thinking how innocently I stumbled upon my own blog. And how if specific people stumbled on my blog they could probably figure out my covert names for people. So I have removed certain posts from my blog and they will never to be spoken about again. Mmmkay?
Also, I might remove a couple of more if I see fit. But there is no need to go private or anything.
Just thought you should know!
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